Horizons Ch. 08: Second Chances

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I am working on renaming and serializing Jody and Ellie’s whole saga hence the name. Hoping to do it without resubmitting each one.

If the titles haven’t been updated then

Please read Slow Burn, Stolen Moments, Smoldering Fire then parts 1 and 2 of Smoke Effects then Finding Ellie, Then parts 1 and 2 of Simmering Inferno then Healing Touch (in that order) to catch up with their story.

As always, a like and comment would be excellent. Feedback is always welcome.

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The sun peaked through the window and my eyes started to open. I stretched and my foot bumped into something. I took me a millisecond to remember it was Jody. I carefully moved over closer to her, into her warmth. She started to stir a few minutes later. I got up on my elbow, leaned over and kissed her awake.

“Morning.” She sleepily muttered.

“Good morning.” I moved her hair out of her face and just stared at her. I almost pinched myself to check if I was dreaming. I leaned down for another kiss. I was fairly certain if she just wanted to lay in bed together all day I would say yes.

“What time is it?” She yawned.

“8.” I kissed her again. I needed to keep checking to be sure she was really there. In my bed. Next to me.

“I’m not going anywhere hun.” She said as if she could read my thoughts. She sat up and kissed me, “well except to the bathroom.”

I chuckled as I watched her walk naked into my bathroom. I laid on my back and smiled. I was still smiling when she came back. She crawled in next to me, “What are you smiling about?” This time she was on her elbow looking at me.

I looked into her eyes, smiled even bigger. “Slow and steady. I thought you were nuts when you said, ‘we start slow’. I did.” She wrinkled her eyes at me when I said that. ” I’m just glad you were right.” She leaned down for a deep kiss, stopping me from saying any more. My hands wrapped around her as we kissed. We had spent the better part of the previous afternoon and night relearning each other’s bodies, but it wasn’t enough. I wanted her again. I rolled her over on her back and kissed her neck. I was working my way down when there was a knock on my bedroom door. I froze.

“Mom. Jody. I’m heading to work. Timmy will be home in like less than an hour. Have a good day. Love you both!!”

“Fuck.” I growled into Jody’s hair.

She tapped me on the shoulder, “El, we gotta work on that language. And Jes is not a child, she’s very aware of us and has been for a long time.” She kissed my shoulder as she talked.

I lifted my head out of her hair and looked at her. “I’m not worried about Jessie knowing you’re here.” I kissed her. “I just wanted more time with you.” I had forgotten that Timmy was coming home this morning. Evan was leaving for a week with his latest ‘girlfriend’.

“We have a lifetime of time Ellie.” She pushed my unruly hair behind my ear and sat up. “Can I shower, or do you want me to leave before he comes home?”

I did not want her to leave. Ever. “Are you ready for that? Are we there yet?” So much had gone on in the last year I wasn’t sure if I was ready to share her with the world. I wasn’t sure I was ready to have her at all, ready to fully trust myself again with her. I wanted to be, but my anxiety about it all was high.

She got quiet. I knew she was hesitating for a reason. “I don’t know. I know I love you and I know I want to be with you forever. I just.” Her voice drifted out.

I knew. I knew the rest. I looked her in the eyes, “I know. It’s okay. We have to both be ready. “

“I’m sorry.” She whispered.

“Nope. No. You don’t need to be sorry. I understand. I do. Slow and steady. Go shower. You don’t have to rush out. We can have breakfast. You’ve been here for breakfast before.” And I placed a kiss on her lips and shoo’d her to the bathroom. I threw my sweats on, yelled to her I would be in the kitchen, and went to start coffee. She was downstairs a few minutes later, Timmy was not home yet.

She wrapped her arms around me as I poured us each a cup. “I love you. What do you have to eat? For some reason I’m extra hungry this morning.” She looked at me with that damn sheepish grin. I could never resist that grin.

I turned around, gave her a kiss and then opened the fridge. I grabbed stuff to make a couple of omelets and started cooking. She sat at the island and we talked and drank coffee while I cooked. The food was almost done when Timmy walked in.

“Hey mom, oh hey Jody. Ohhh food.” He walked over and looked at me with his big brown puppy dog eyes. I put an omelet on a plate and handed it to him. “Thanks mom. Hey, Jody do you know if Madi and Joe are still riding today?”

“I think Madi said they were. You should text her I haven’t talked to her since yesterday.”

I plated the other omelet as she was talking and handed it to her then started myself a new one.

“Okay I will. Bye.” He took himself and the plate up to his room.

“This is delicious El. Thank you.”

“I’m glad and of course.” I wanted to tell her she didn’t have to thank me for food. That canlı bahis of course I was going to feed her. Of course, I was going to do whatever she needed, but I didn’t trust myself not to break that promise. I needed more time between then and now. I needed to learn to trust myself again. That was going to take time. She was right that we needed to wait longer before we brought our relationship into the world.

My omelet was finished, and I joined her at the island. We ate and talked and drank coffee. I cleared our plates and looked at her. “Do you have to go home?” I was hoping the answer was no. I was selfishly hoping she could stay all day. As soon as she looked at me, I knew she had to. I tried not to look disappointed.

“I do. At least for a few hours. The kids are with Joe this week, but I have some stuff I need to get done that I’ve neglected over the last couple of days.” She picked up my hand and kissed my fingers one by one. “Go for a walk or a hike or do nothing. If you want me to come back later, I will. Or you can come over.”

Before I could reply Timmy was down with his plate. “Joe and Madi are grabbing me in like 30. I’m gonna go get my gear ready.” He put his plate in the sink and grabbed some snacks for his bag and left. “Bye mom, Bye Jody.”

I looked at Jody. I wondered where Kevin went when Madi and Joe rode. I didn’t ask. “Message me when you’re done with whatever you need to do. We can figure the rest out then.” I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. We had spent all day and night together. It was more time together than we had had in a very long time. We had to get used to it again.

“Are you kicking me out already?” She half joked.

“No. God no. Stay until you need to go.” I put my hand on her thigh as I spoke. She placed hers on top of mine. “More coffee?” I asked her.

“Yes. One more cup please.” I poured us each one more and took them to the couch.

I sat down leaving her plenty of room. She sat right next to me, her whole self touching me. I sighed. I wanted everything that came next to be because she wanted it too. She had spent months giving me space and room to process, it was my turn to do the same for her. I knew she loved me, and I loved her, but we weren’t done working on trusting us, trusting ourselves. I turned on the TV and some morning show was on. We watched as we drank, no need to talk. I could tell she was done with her coffee which meant she would be leaving soon. Part of me couldn’t be convinced she was going to come back.

She got up and went to put her cup in the sink. I didn’t move. “Ellie.” I looked up and she was standing on the side of the couch. I had lost myself in my thoughts.

“Yeah?”

“You were zoned out, are you okay?”

I stood up. “Yep. Was just thinking. I’m fine.” I smiled and gave her a hug. “Let me know when you’re free and we will decide what to do.” I walked her to the door and gave her a kiss before she left. After her Jeep left the driveway I went, changed and put my sneakers on. A nice walk to the lake was in order.

****

After my walk I came home, showered and picked up the house. Timmy came home from riding and I fed him, then sat down with my laptop. I lost track of time working on a story for workshop and next thing I knew it was 5pm. Crap. My phone was upstairs, so I shut the laptop down and went up to grab it.

The first text from her was 3 hours ago. Ugh I felt terrible.

Jody- I’m done. Whatcha wanna do?

Thirty minutes later.

Jody- Ellie?

Another 30 minutes later.

Jody- Ellie??

An hour later.

Jody- I hope everything is okay. Text or call me please.

I pressed call on the phone. I hated talking on the phone, but I felt horrible and knew a text wasn’t enough. Jody picked up on the second ring.

“Hello.”

“I’m so sorry. I was working on a story. I lost all track of time.”

“It’s okay.”

“No. No it’s not.” I knew she worried about me whenever I went ‘quiet’.

“It is. So, do you wanna do something?”

Of course, I did. “Of course, I do.”

We decided on me grabbing dinner and going over her house for a movie. The last time I was there I had a massive panic attack. I really hoped not to repeat that. I checked on Timmy and told him I would be out, I got barely a grumble of acknowledgement. Teenage boys were so fun. I texted Jessie and told her where I was going.

Jessie- it’s okay if you don’t come home tonight. I’ll be home later so Timmy will be fine

I shook my head. She was too much.

I grabbed our favorite Chinese food and drove to her house. I pulled into her driveway and parked. I had been fine up until this point. I didn’t feel fine anymore. My heart was starting to race, and my breathing was becoming shallow. I was trying to calm myself. I heard a knock on my window. I looked and saw Jody. She started to open my door. I flinched a little. She stopped. I took a deep breath and took my hands off the steering wheel and unbuckled myself.

I finished opening the door and got out. She hadn’t taken her eyes off me. My breathing hadn’t regulated yet. bahis siteleri She wrapped her arms around me. I started crying. Fuck. I hated this. I was so sick of being broken. “I’m sorry.” She just kept holding me. Why was she so much stronger than I was?

After a few minutes I could feel my heart was calming and my breathing was almost back to normal. She released me and looked at me, “Okay?” I shook my head yes. I was as close to okay as I was able to be. We walked over to the passenger seat, grabbed the food and walked up to the house. She hadn’t let go of my hand yet.

“I shouldn’t have left you today.” She told me as we unpacked the food. I sighed.

“No, you have to live your life. I shouldn’t need to be babysat.” She hugged me again. It helped.

We put our food on plates and went into the living room. 2 tray tables, 2 drinks. Just us. I had butterflies in my stomach.

“What are we watching?” I asked her.

“Mannequin. I finally found a dvd of it awhile back.” She excitedly told me.

I wondered how long ago ‘awhile back’ was. I tried to stop myself from worrying about that and I grinned. We had long ago discovered we had both loved this movie when it had come out over 30 years ago. I hadn’t seen it forever. I used to know it word for word.

She started the movie and we started to eat. It was a little awkward, or maybe it was just me. I finished eating and moved my TV tray away so I could bring my legs under me on the couch. Jody looked over at me, looked at the food I didn’t eat still on my plate and paused the movie.

“Ellie, you need to eat.”

“I did.” I ate as much as I could. I just rarely had an appetite anymore.

“Barely.”

I didn’t reply.

“I’m just worried about you El. Do you not see how much weight you’ve lost? Too much.” She started the movie back up and I pushed my body into the arm of the couch. We watched in silence for a few more minutes. She paused the movie again. “I’m sorry. I worry.”

“I know. And I hate that you feel like you have to worry about me all the time.” I was rubbing my face. I wish I knew why I was so weak all the time. I used to be strong. I used to have to be strong all the time. She reached for my hand.

“I know.” She held my hand and restarted the movie. I didn’t move out of the arm of the couch. I felt bad, she had been so excited for us to watch this movie and I just couldn’t get into it. I thought after last night we would be like we used to be. I forgot to remember I wasn’t the same, I was still a mess most of the time. I thought I was good at dealing with it, but I wasn’t when she was around. I couldn’t decide if that was good or bad.

I couldn’t get out of my own head and relax. The movie was ending, and I wanted to go home. I was mad at myself for that. I should want to be right where I was. Right next to her. I guess slow and steady wasn’t over yet.

“Walk.” She more told me than asked. I turned to look at her, to focus on her. “Ellie?”

I shook my head to clear it. “Sorry. Yeah.” I stood up to go get my sneakers from by the door. She stood up and stepped closer to me.

She put a hand on either side of my face, looked at me. “It’s okay hun.” Then she gave me a gentle kiss. I refused to let any tears form. She let go of me and I went and put my sneakers on, and she did the same. We went out the back door. To the trails behind her house. I paused for a brief moment, so much had happened on these trails. She took my hand and pulled me forward.

***

We got back to her house an hour later. I felt better. She grabbed a couple of waters and handed me one. I drank most of it. I stood there looking around the kitchen. I noticed one wall was recently painted. As I looked around it hit me that a lot of the items that had been on the walls were gone.

She noticed me looking and taking it in. “I’m getting it ready to put on the market. I was supposed to do it months ago. Joe and I agreed to sell and split the money.”

“Oh.” Months ago. Without saying it I knew what she had been doing instead. Trying to fix me.

“It’s okay Ellie. The kids are fine with it, even Kevin which surprised me. I think a new place will be good for all of us. We don’t need all this space.” She closed the gap between us and wrapped me in her arms. I was tense at first, but her scent hit me, and I melted into her. “Wanna watch some Tv?”

“Sure.”

We walked over to the couch, this time I didn’t wedge myself away from her. I curled up next to her, she wrapped her arm around me. I sighed deeply as the Tv played out some random sitcom. My eyes started to close, and my head bobbed.

“El.”

I lifted my head up, my neck was sore. I rubbed it as I looked at her. “Yeah?”

“You were falling asleep. I don’t mind but you don’t have to sleep on the couch.”

I looked at her confused. I had fallen asleep on her couch watching Tv many times. It had never been an issue.

She just smiled at me. “No one is home Ellie. No one else is going to be in my bed. If you’re tired, we can go upstairs.” I must have looked like a deer in headlights. I’ve stayed at bahis şirketleri her house before, but always in the bedroom in the in-law apartment. I didn’t know what to do or say. “You don’t have to stay Ellie. But you can if you want to.” I looked at her as she spoke. She wanted me to want to stay.

Why was all of this so damn hard? I wanted to. I wanted to never sleep apart again but my brain just couldn’t always agree with my heart. Jody sat watching me process. She had always been so good at letting me process things in my own way and in my own time. “I wish you didn’t get so overwhelmed. I hate it for you.” She took my hand as she said it.

“I hate it for you. I hate that I’m this way.”

“It’s okay Ellie. I’m here.” She moved closer and I leaned into her. We sat that way while the Tv kept going. My eyes were heavy again. I sat up to wake myself up. “El.”

“I’m fine.”

“You’re also tired.”

I yawned. “I’m gonna go.” I stood up as I said it.

“Okay.” Her voice was heavy. “Did I do something El?”

“No.” I tried not to look at her. I hated disappointing her. I didn’t even know why I was leaving, how could I explain it to her. I could feel her eyes on me.

“El.” She started to say more. I knew she wanted me to say more.

“Fuck.” I was starting to shake. “Fuck fuck fuck.” Why was last night so perfect and tonight I felt like I was falling apart? She had her arms around me before I could get the last fuck out of my mouth. She held me as I shook, trying to hold me together. “Stop. Please.” I started to push away from her. She held me tighter.

“Why? Why can’t I try to help you Ellie? Why do you constantly push me away when you are struggling? Why won’t you let me in all the way?” But she knew why. I saw it in her eyes as she spoke.

I pulled away and this time she let me go. I could feel the waves of panic threatening and I sat down on her floor so I wouldn’t fall. She sat next to me. “I hate this. I fucking hate being like this.” My hands were over my face as I spoke to her.

“I know.” She leaned her head on my shoulder. We sat that way waiting for the waves to hit me, but they never did.

“I’m sorry.” I still hadn’t moved.

“No. No more sorry. We have to stop being sorry for having feelings El. You have to stop being sorry for struggling. It’s okay.” She lifted her head off my shoulder and moved to face me. “I keep hoping that night won’t be the first thing you think of every time you see me. I see it in your eyes Ellie, every time.” I moved my face away from her. She put her finger under my chin and moved it to face her again. “It isn’t what I think about when I see you. You are living in guilt and pain and you can’t find your way out of it. You almost do then it sucks you back in. Last night was perfect. Last night was just the start though Ellie. If we are going to make us work, you have to let me help you when you need it. There’s no part of me you’ve lost forever Ellie. I’m not going anywhere.”

I was crying by the time she finished. I started to say I was sorry, instead I just whispered, “Can I stay?”

“Of course.” And she helped me up and wrapped me in her warmth. We walked upstairs together.

I was spent. She found me some of her clothes to wear to sleep in. I realized exactly how much weight I had lost when they fit me, were even a little loose. She looked at me, “That’s why I’m worried.”

I wasn’t a big person, but I had always been curvier than Jody, Jessie would say I was a little ”thicc’. I crawled into her bed, gave myself a minute to process where I was. I sighed. “I’ll try to eat better. I promise.” Jody wrapped her arms around me again.

“I just want you healthy El.” She gave me a tender kiss then put her forehead on mine. “I love you. Every part of you.”

“Even the crazy parts?” I whispered.

“Even those.”

I nuzzled into her and let myself fall asleep.

***

I woke up slowly, stretching, not ready to open my eyes. I could feel she was near me, but we weren’t touching. I needed to touch her. I opened one eye to find where she was. She was laying there, eyes open, looking at me. “Morning.” I smiled at her then rolled over to her and kissed her. She kissed me back. Our tongues danced as my body came alive. I moved to lay over her, straddled her. She pulled my top off then took her own off.

I started kissing her forehead then her eyes and nose. I traced her jaw line with my tongue, putting kisses just under her ears, she moaned under me. “I love you” was whispered in her ear as I worked my way down. I buried my face in the valley between her breasts, licked my way to each nipple. I filled my mouth and my hands with her. Her back was arching as I teased and sucked.

Her hands reached up and rested on my hips. I straightened up and started rolling my hips into her. She tugged at my bottoms. I removed them then hers. She opened her legs wider, bent one knee, I shifted and rolled and rubbed myself along her, holding on to her knee for stability. Her hips moved to meet my movements. Every time our clits collided more fire exploded in my body. She sat up and grabbed me, pulling me onto her lap. We rolled into each other, hugging and kissing as we moved. Her mouth found my neck then my breasts, her hand went lower. We continued to move as she played with me.

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