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I haven’t been writing on for long, but I’ve been inundated with a great deal of positive feedback and a little constructive criticism. Thank you.
One note today grabbed my attention more than any of the others. It was sent to me anonymously, but I would have liked to thank this reader for his or her inspirational, motivational, and thoughtful word to the wise. It read:
If you were to die tonight, where would you go?
I know does not want other websites mentioned here, but I explored the link left in the email. The website asked me if I need God in my life. What a thoughtful tidbit of email! It’s the best electronic memo I’ve ever received! Gratitude is pouring out of the bottom of my heart! You’re the bestest!
But where would I go if I was to die tonight? Here’s one possibility.
I’d like to hope that I am in the prime of my life. Celeste Morgan. Thirty five years old. While my knees creak and groan early in the morning…while I can’t stay up all night long any more and still attentively pass through day to day life any longer…while I can now legitimately say I did something “twenty years ago” and still vividly recall the day…I’m not terribly old. I smoke too much (and yes I know it’s a filthy, disgusting habit that would have eventually killed me). I’m ensnared in the addictive power of the vile weed. It calms and relaxes me and smoking after sex is tasty. I drink a bit too copiously at times, but alcohol has a way of making people infinitely more interesting. Even conferences in modern business ethics seem passably fascinating if you polished off a bottle of merlot in the hotel lounge beforehand.
I have always been in good health. My family passed on a thriving business to me. My mother and little sister and live close to me geographically and in my heart. I have a small and loyal circle of friends. And I’m a lesbian with plenty of experiences for which I will cherish forever.
There’s one snag in my plans though. I just got hit by a truck.
I feel weightless as I float up out of my Earthly remains. The force of the wind catches me off guard at first as I’m wisped around this way and that. Soon, I get the drift and can hover in one place. Watching the macabre scene from above the hustle and bustle of paramedics, former coworkers, and innocent bystanders, I see my lifeless body being hauled off in the coroner’s van.
I could follow the van to the crematorium, but my spirit doesn’t really want to go to a bonfire right now. casino oyna My last will and testament specifies that any needed organs and tissues will immediately be dissected from my corpse. Perhaps a blind girl will get to see a sunset. I know the rest of the heap will be burnt to ashes and scattered in a garden to help the flowers grow.
I’m not ready to move on, though, and I remain for a few days so I may gaze upon my funeral. It’s in the middle of a meadow on my mother’s land. I didn’t want it to be in a church.
I see my 21 year old cousin I haven’t seen in 10 years. I feel a bit naughty when I look at her boobs a little longer than I probably should. I see my aunt who lives in New Zealand. I visited her last year, but she hasn’t been back to North America for fifteen years. I see my best friend Sandra from my childhood who is now a mover and shaker in architecture in New York. We always planned on getting together, but two years of procrastination prevented that meeting.
I see Carolyn. She’s an old friend I was recently reunited with and was the inspiration for another tale I told. I see Michelle who dated me ten years ago when I was pretty insatiably wild, crazy, and insane. I nearly ended up dead ten years earlier than I am now. I see Sherry who has traveled from her new home out East to see me. I’ll miss her massages and her presence in my life likely more than the rest. While she moved away this past winter, I had visited her twice in that time. I will wait for her in heaven. Impatiently.
Is that where I’m going though? Or is this the afterlife? Ghostly apparitions? I hope not. After all, I haven’t glimpsed the one person I’m dying to see.
Almost as soon as I ask the questions, they are answered for me. Drawn away from the celebration of my friends, family, and lovers, I hear them singing along to a few of my favorite songs. That off-pitch melody will find a place in my memory for eons to come.
I feel all of my responsibilities, fears, worries, and pent up desires dissipate into the void. A carefree happiness overcomes me. There is no bright light. There is no long tunnel. I just float through the air and I unwittingly close my eyes as the wind blows through my air and tickles my cheeks.
I feel grains of sand running between my bare toes. I open my eyes to look down to watch my toes wriggling with glee through the soft, warm sand. I no longer feel weightless or ethereal. I reach down to my right arm and give myself a little pinch. I feel slot oyna the sting. I feel the skin between my fingertips. I am skin and bones and blood and nerve endings all over again. Am I really dead?
The sun is shining down and warming my face. The sky is clear with a few fluffy clouds. I shield my eyes from the glaring sun and inhale a deep whiff of my natural surroundings. I’m standing on a beach of white sand around a small lagoon. The water is crystal clear and I watch many colorful fish swimming through the water. A small waterfall spills down the side of a short cliff on the other side of the lagoon.
A woman is sitting on a large boulder jutting out of the lagoon beside the waterfall. She’s wearing nearly transparent silks and is lounging under a large umbrella on the face of the rock. She waves to me and I return the gesture. I hop over to the boulder from the beach and sit down beside her draping my legs over the side of the rock.
Woman – “I bet you’re full of questions, aren’t you?”
Celeste – “Who are you?”
Astra – “Call me Astra. You couldn’t pronounce my real name.”
Celeste – “Where are we?”
Astra – “Well you are dead, Celly.”
Celeste – “This is heaven then?”
Astra – “It’s your version of heaven. Or a small part of it.”
Celeste – “My version of heaven, Astra?”
Astra – “You don’t think the Creator would let you spend the rest of eternity in an uncomfortable place. I’ve read your file, Celly, and it comes as no surprise to me the shape of your neighborhood. We’ve had many visitors with preferences very similar to your own in the last century or so.”
Celeste – “Neighborhood?”
Astra – “Think of your little patch of land here and the other sights you will soon see as being your neck of the woods. While you can go anywhere you want in heaven, these are the stomping grounds of women just like you. Lesbian Heaven as it were.”
Celeste – “I’m a bit anxious to see someone.”
Astra – “Yes, I know sweetie. And she wants to see you. Hold your horses though.”
Celeste – “Ok Astra. This is all a bit overwhelming.”
Astra – “Of course it is. You’re dead.”
Celeste – “I didn’t think I’d end up here.”
Astra – “Everyone seems to think they might end up there. You know what the prerequisite to get in the door here is? A clear conscience. It’s just that simple. You really fucked up a few times in your life, Celly, but it all worked out in the long haul. You made a lot of people happy canlı casino siteleri and they returned the favor. And you had more fun than most.”
Celeste – “What about all the sleeping around? All those drugs I took? Hell I overdosed on X and almost killed myself. What about all the buzz words like piety and monogamy?”
Astra – “The people that came up with those words meant well, but God seems to have different standards weighing the good with the bad.”
Celeste – “Do the angels watch us? Does God?”
Astra – “You’ve made me laugh more times than I recall. God too. I thought God would never stop talking about a few of your adventures. She wants to meet you by the way.”
Celeste – “Did you say she?”
Astra – “Yes. God is a ‘she’ at least to you. Shall we go?”
With that, Astra takes my hand and the two of us leap through the waterfall with a splash. Looking up, I see a beautiful woman sitting at a computer. Her giggles fill the room with undeniable warmth.
God – “I’ve been looking forward to this Celly.”
Celeste – “I wish I could say the same, God.”
God – “Once you get a look around, I have a feeling you’ll like it here. And I hope you come back and chat with me. It can get pretty lonely being me.”
Celeste – “I find that a little hard to believe.”
God – “I hope you’ll let Astra and I show you around later.”
Celeste – “I wouldn’t miss it for the world. Seems I have the rest of eternity to do that.”
God – “I know there’s someone you really want to see.”
Celeste – “Is she here?”
God – “She’s a bit nervous.”
Celeste – “She was always a bit self conscious.”
God – “She’s worried you don’t love her any more. But we both know that isn’t the case.”
Celeste – “It was the one reason to look forward to death, God.”
I suddenly feel the presence of someone standing behind me. I turn around to face Andrea. Seeing her face to face, many memories are churned up. I remember the day we met and how she dragged me out of the self destructive spiral towards death. I remember the hell I put her through in that transitional phase of my life. I remember all the trips we took together and the joys that we shared for nearly two years. I remember the day I proposed to her and I remember the look on her face.
I remember the day she cried on my shoulder and confessed she had been diagnosed with leukemia. I remember the many months we spent in the hospital. And I remember the day she fell lifeless in my arms.
But none of that matters now. Andrea and I don’t speak a word. In the days that follow, Andrea showed me our new home. And I could tell you about our first night together. But that’s just for me and her to share.
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